Speaker 1: 0:02

All right, guys, thank you so much for showing up early Saturday morning. We're going to be talking about the energy on a date and when it goes stale. We already went into a little bit of a discussion there on how do you shake up a stale date. Everybody shared their ideas. I like the 007 method zero on zero on another. Uh, that was. That was a great share, um, and everybody's kind of got their own one, but we've all been in the situation where, where you're, you're in a date, you're at a coffee shop, you're at, you know, you're having a drink, you're having dinner, and like you're planted in your chair and she's planted in her chair, and like you're trying to do absolutely everything through conversation and the energy, just like, no matter what you do, you're trying to be funny, you're trying to bring in new ideas you know you're dropping a random fact a lot of these again where ideas were techniques, that that everybody uses to kind of shake it up, and they're all really good. The problem, though, is, like, a lot of the time, like, eventually, we just run out of fuel, we run out of material we can't spontaneously generate from, from just this fixed place, that we're in new stuff, you know and and our imagination has limits, our storytelling has limits and when you're in a great, when you're having a great date, everything just flows naturally. She gives it to you, you give it to her, you're feeding on each other's energy. That's going great. But that's not. Most dates, most dates are not going to be that easy and that flowing A lot of dates. Sometimes the conversation will get to a place where it looks just like this picture, where the guy's kind of checked out because he's out of information, the girl's kind of checked out because she's not being led into interesting places anymore. When we get to this place and I think we've all sort of been here on a date you've got two options. One, if you know you're not really into the woman, I mean really just help everybody and bring it to a close, politely, nicely, bring it to a close. But if you know that there's potential there, if you know that you're enjoying it, if you know that the two of you were having a great time but you've sort of just run out of gas and you're in this place, that's what. That's what this morning is all about.

Speaker 1: 2:29

This morning is about how you change the scene when, when you're when, when you get to that place, because that's what it, that's what we need. Staying right there in a fixed, face-to-face, eye-to-eye conversation and trying to resurrect that energy is going to be incredibly difficult. A much, much, much easier thing to do is to change the whole scene. Now, when I say change the whole scene, I don't mean that we have to go from, like, this part of town, get in an Uber, drive all the way over and go to this part of town. I don't even mean that we necessarily have to leave the cafe where we were having coffee and then go to the ice cream shop, you know, down the street, although I have heard from you guys that is a tried and true plan for a first date and that does work. But what I'm saying is to change the scene. We don't even necessarily have to change the location that we're in, but we need to change the dynamic. We need to change where both of us are. So if we're both sitting down which is really common for a first date moving, getting up and moving and sitting down in a different place, for example, going from a high top over to the bar and even just standing by the bar or checking out what's on a bulletin board. You know these are all going to change the scene, change the dynamic that's happening between the two of you, and what we do when we change the scene like that is that we're going to experience each other in a completely different way. So the problem was things got stale because we didn't have any more material to bring out. Well, we don't have to create material when the physical material of the two of us and our exchange with each other is shifting right there on the spot.

Speaker 1: 4:26

I don't know about you guys, but I sometimes I have been on a date with a woman. I'm talking with her, I'm talking with her and I'm like, okay, I'm not sure that I'm not, I'm all that interested. And we get up to to walk out the door and suddenly I'm interested in her. Suddenly my attraction level went from like a three to a six. Simply because we were moving. Something about my height compared to her height, something about the fact that we weren't just, you know, from from the chest up, looking at each other, the fact that there was an entire human being standing and interacting with me. My energy completely changed. And I'm sure when my energy changed that way, that it changed for her as well. She got to experience my height, my body weight, my physicality. She got to experience a different proximity to me and how it feels to be closer.

Speaker 1: 5:18

When we're on opposite sides of a table, we're in a very fixed distance with each other. An important part of body language is actually how much distance we have between the other person. When you meet someone in public, there's a very large distance and it's very safe. Once you enter into a new distance with each other, there's a whole different vibe that takes place, and this just comes from survival. You know, could this person hurt me or not? Once they get into a certain distance, we're going to experience them differently. You enter into a one-on-one conversation. That's a whole nother thing I think it's about. I think 24 to 36 inches, I believe, is the distance for having a one-on-one conversation. That's clearly closed off to everyone else. It might even be more like 18 to 24 inches, if I remember right. And then there's an even closer distance, which is where it'd be very easy for us to touch. It'd be very easy for our bodies to bump up against each other.

Speaker 1: 6:13

I'm not necessarily making a move, but I'm in her space and all of that completely changes the energy that's happening and it unsticks us. When we're in two chairs, it's very, very hard to change the dynamic rapport that we have and basically all this comes down to hello if I can get my technology working. What all this comes down to is that you're going to get to check her out from all sides. The the real root Sorry about that, guys, the technology messed with me the real root of solving this problem of the day growing stale and the energy stopping. The real root of solving that is to listen inside of ourselves and ask ourselves okay, I'm not enjoying this, I don't like that. The energy is getting stagnant and stuck. I want it to be more dynamic. What can I do to give myself the experience that I want to have on this date? I'm getting stagnant because I can only see her from the chest up and even if she has a nice chest, I'd kind of like to check out the rest.

Speaker 1: 7:32

So we move into a situation and you know, I see something over there. There's a, there's a bulletin board for a bunch of events and it was like hey, have you seen what else is going on over here? Do you want to go check it out Again? We've had enough conversation. Nothing more is happening at the table. We get up, we move over there. I'm able to check her out from all different sides. That's immediately shifting the whole snow globe. We've shook, we've we've shaken it up and the energy is going, is. Is is coming alive again, and I'm not spending my imagination, my creative energy, trying to come up with stuff. Instead, I'm experiencing her in a new way. That's breathing life into me and then that makes it easier for me to lead the experience for her. All right, guys, I just want to make sure everyone is still on board and that the technology did not fail me. That was point one. Can everybody drop a point a one in the chat so that I know everybody is still connected and with me? Awesome, yes, good, thank you everybody. Good, we're all still awake on our Saturday morning, all right. So that's like sort of stage. One is I want to experience her from different side. I want to have a different experience.

Speaker 1: 8:59

Me on so many dates is things are going, even even the conversation's going really well and it's still exciting. I feel like I have my hands tied behind my back and I can't make a move because she's on the other side of the damn table and I can't. I can't come up with a good reason to move into a new level of of physical interaction. You know, and that's all warming up to. You know, potentially kissing her at the end of the evening. I feel like my hands are tied on this side of the table and again the energy might be great, the conversation's going right, but that conversation isn't the only element that I want involved in the date. I want to be able to move it from friendly chat, playful chat, into a more romantic feeling. I want her to feel my interest in her. I want her to feel me starting to make moves closer to her.

Speaker 1: 9:53

Um, one of the um different things you can do I actually mentioned this in a private session this week is when somebody is, when you're talking with each other and you're like again inside of me, I'm like, damn it, I want to be closer to her. We mentioned, I don't know, a trip we took, family, something like that, and you know, and we ask, or we say we've got photos on our phone, I can take the phone, I can turn it around, and you know, and we ask, or we say we've got photos on our phone, okay, I can take the phone, I can turn it around and you know, and show them, or Technology is not my friend today. Can everybody drop another 1.5 in there to make sure you can still see me and hear me? Cool, thank you guys. Appreciate it All, right? Um, so got this phone.

Speaker 1: 10:43

We're going to share some information. You know where I want to show some pictures, but she's over there and it's kind of awkward for me to show the phone upside down and point at it and then you know they're going to. You know I want to show them mine and it's like you know what Screw that? Why don't you come and sit over here next to me? You know, you know, and I will even say it's like oh, I'm going to make this, you know, I'm going to make this a little easier or I'm going to make this more awkward, whatever it is, but I'm going to call out the fact that I'm shifting the energy and I'm going to have us move over either 90 degrees or even closer to each other, and I might even stay there after we're done looking at the phone, because I want to be in closer proximity, I want to have more access, even though the conversation is going well, I want to be able to make more moves in the date. That's a whole nother reason that we want to break free from the static position that we started in is we want to break free so that we can make our new moves. We want to be able to touch her more easily in a non-sexual way so she can get used to our touch and get comfortable with us. We want to be able to let her touch us in response. She might be craving that. She might be a touchy-feely kind of person and we want to be sure that she is encouraged and allowed to do that towards us. If we're on opposite sides of the table, that gets very difficult to do.

Speaker 1: 12:05

Coming back to the idea of a bulletin board, and the reason I bring that up is I actually did that on a date this week. I was in this cool place down in Colorado Springs. There was all these different cafes and bars and restaurants and stuff like that. You know cafes and bars and restaurants and stuff like that, um, and we sort of bounced from one place to another to another and we ordered a little pizza that we were going to split and we're sort of lingering around and we went over to this bulletin board and it was. It was awesome because, like we're, we're now letting the bulletin board provide the information for us and we're just hunting it. But it was so natural for me to put my hand on her back and so, oh, check this one out. Do you ever do this kind of dance? Or you know, zuka, or whatever it was?

Speaker 1: 12:46

When you change that context and that shift, that's where you can suddenly show her a whole new side of you, because you're breaking free and doing new moves. If, over the entire date, her experience of you is limited to you're on this side of the table, she's on that side of the table and all she thinks you can do is have a verbal conversation. Man, she's only getting one dimension, she's only getting one side of you. We need to break it up and change the scene so that she can experience these different sides of you. The minute you stand up, she'll be like, oh, wow, I've been listening to this guy and huh, ok, well, this is what his body feels like. Again, much closer to me. We've been talking a whole bunch. We're much more comfortable if it's a first date than we were when we first said hello and now, when I put my hand on her back to lead her over to wherever the context is that we're going to be. That changes Her experience of me physically is going to be completely different at that point. She's going to probably enjoy feeling some of my different moves.

Speaker 1: 13:51

She doesn't want us to just be a talking head that can keep a conversation. It's only one aspect of it. So, everybody cool that was point number two. If you're still with me and you have not gone to sleep or started watching Saturday Morning Cartoons, please drop a two in the chat so that I know you are on board and you're with me. Awesome, and this is really the most important point.

Speaker 1: 14:35

When we're feeling that the energy is stuck and it's not moving and we're trying to bring it to life, the real reason is because what every man wants is options. After we go on this date, we want this woman to be waiting by the phone, hoping that we are going to text her, call her, send her an invitation to go out again In an ideal situation, even if we're not that interested in her. We want the women interested in us. We want to have these options Again.

Speaker 1: 14:59

When we're on two sides of a table and all we do is talk, she's experiencing us one way. She basically has one very long, similar memory of this date, because that's what it is. She's having the experience in the moment, but after the date, that's where she's going to be processing it. That's where she's going to be asking herself do I want to go on another date with this guy, do I? You know how much was I enjoying this. It's, it's her memory of the experience that she's actually experiencing in deciding whether or not she is going to be like oh, dallas, I had such a great time. You know, um, you know, thank you so much for the thoughtful day. You know, I hope you have a great weekend. Which is basically saying Dallas, please ask me out again whenever you like. That's what she's saying. If I don't get that message, yeah, probably not that much interest. That message is dependent on her memory, her experience in memory of the date that we had.

Speaker 1: 16:04

If we're only have essentially one memory from the date, uh, that's not all that much the, the date that I mentioned, that I, that I went to all these different locations. In my mind I was like okay, so we're on the patio and we had a drink, and then there was the, the, the pizza and the order in the pizza. And then there was, then there was, like you know, the bulletin board, which actually was like one of my favorite parts of the date. And then there was, uh, outdoors eating the pizza, and there was like somebody smoking a cigar and eventually we had to go inside. And then we went inside, um, it was towards the end of the evening and it was, and it was amazing because there was like this cool leather couch that was like open and I was like, oh, let's go sit on the couch, and so then we ended up sitting on a couch next to each other one date, over the span of I don't know, maybe two and a half hours, but we had like five different contexts.

Speaker 1: 16:54

I'm remembering all of those different contexts. I'm remembering all of those different, um vibes and energies that I had with this woman, and I know that she also has a wide variety of ways that she experienced me Outdoors, in daylight, in the evening, with lights on outside and somebody smoking a cigar, off in the corner, sitting next to each other on the couch, and I was making more moves, standing up and talking about intellectual things, looking at the bulletin board. They were all completely different. Heck, standing in line ordering the pizza was even a completely different context where she could see what is Dallas like in this particular scenario. So all of that comes down to we want to realize that really the goal in shifting the energy is we want to create more memories for the woman. The more memories she has in just an hour or two with you, that gives her a richer experience, that gives her a more emotional experience, that gives her a lot more attachment, that gives her more to chew on after the fact, more to like, more to squeeze out of the experience. When you compare all those different you know, see, you know those different scenes I was in, you know, on that one date, versus just sitting at one table having coffee until until the call, you know, until the cups are empty and we have nothing left to talk about and then we just say goodbye. I mean, really, like if you were in her position, how excited would you be to do that again with a man when, if you've created a variety of experiences where you're making a little bit of moves, but she's able to experience proximity to you in different ways and she's able to experience different contexts and different energies, I mean it's just more interesting, it's just more fun when I hang out with guys that are super dynamic. They're dynamic. That means they're moving from one place to another. We're not just in a stale, fixed position. This is the sort of experience that creates memories for the woman to have and it increases the likelihood that she's going to can.

Speaker 1: 19:05

I want to be on another date. So what do we do? When we are stuck in our chair, you change the scene, you really shake it up, and so the first reason is you want to. You want to listen inside of you and realize you know, I'm seen enough of this woman having a straight conversation face to face. I want to get up. I want to move around. I want to experience from her from another way. I want to check her out from all her different sides. Also, listening to myself, I'm tired of being stuck and paralyzed in this one position. I don't like having my hands tied behind my back. I want to be able to move, do engage with a woman in whatever way feels the most effective and is the way that I want to be having the experience with the woman. Break free so that those moves can come out.

Speaker 1: 19:56

The last one, and this is the most important when it comes down to follow-up dates and women desiring us. So we're not chasing them, but they're waiting for us to ask them out. Is you want to, on a date, change the scene so you create more memories for her? All of that is built in to breaking free from just that little cafe table into going for a walk around the park, to going to the lunch spot next door because you realize you're hungry and you know what. I don't want to say goodbye to you, yet. All of this is on the table. You're allowed to extend whatever invitations you have. The only thing that you want to be sure to do is that you don't let yourself stay stuck. So in that vein, everybody that is our point three Everybody drop a three in the chat so I know that everybody is still with me.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Before I give us our weekly growth challenge Awesome, cool, all right. We're all still mostly awake. Okay, good, cool, all right, all right. So here's the weekly growth challenge, and this is not necessarily in a dating context. I'm not even sure if I necessarily spelled interrupt properly. You guys can check me again. It's Saturday morning. Here's your growth challenge. You're going to be having three convert. When you're having conversations throughout this week, I want you to interrupt three of those conversations to change the scene to something you would like to see. I am being punished by the technology gods. Somebody drop something in the chat so make sure you can still hear me. Somebody tell me I am still on. Yes, good, okay, yes.

Speaker 1: 21:44

So the week, the growth challenge this week is interrupt three conversations with anybody and change the scene to something you would genuinely enjoy more. For example, you're at work, you're in the break room, you guys are, you know, having a cup of coffee, you're having lunch, you know, you're chatting and you look outside and you go, man, the weather's really nice and you're saying this genuinely inside. I would like to enjoy this summer weather while it's still here, cause we're getting to the end of August, it's going to start shifting. Part of this skill is listening to yourself and genuinely asking yourself what would I enjoy more? How can I change this scene to something that I would enjoy more? And we are interrupting the experience that we're having to hopefully improve it, to insert something more genuine into it. That's what you're doing when you're interrupting the conversation to change the scene and to ask them if they'd like to go out. Obviously, if they don't want to go outside, you gracefully say, cool, no problem.

Speaker 1: 22:44

But we want to practice the skill of leading into a place where we're changing the scene, we're making the scenes dynamic, we're making scenes interchangeable. We want to practice this in a safe place with co-workers, in a safe place with other people. You can do this in a safe place with coworkers, in a safe place with other people. You know you can do this in a, you know, in a public setting, even with strangers. I mean, heck, some of my best guy friends.

Speaker 1: 23:09

I met them, like you know, having lunch downtown and I did these sorts of things and I was like grabbing a conversation. I was like, hey, do you want to? You do you want to share a table, you know, and and have lunch together. That's me changing the scene from waiting from our order to sitting down and having a meal together. It took us from a place of like casual conversation to actual, like sort of intimacy potentially. And some of these, some of these interactions I've learned to have led to deep interactions, deep friendships. So that's your growth challenge this week Interrupt three conversations to change the scene to something you would genuinely enjoy more. It's an internal practice and then also it's a confidence leading practice with the people around you. Chair, we are going to head into the office hours to continue the conversation, with all the mics and videos on and to talk about whatever else you like. Catch you guys in there, bye.