So um yeah, feel free to um feel free to chat any questions that you guys have as I'm going along through this stuff. Um, but yeah, what's the most effective act of service um uh you've ever done for a woman? Um I love it. Yeah, cleaning up vomit, um definitely, definitely a lot of brownie points for that, saving women's lives, that's included. I I actually took a took um an ex-girlfriend to the ER one time. Um, yeah, definitely a sexy act of service, but they can be a lot more subtle than that. Um, but acts of service really can turn women on a lot, especially when they're not asked for. Yeah, especially when they're not asked for. So um, yeah, again, feel free to jump on in um whenever you like in the chat. Um, but I'm gonna put the microphones on mute. So um so this week's uh question uh or topic is it doesn't have to be a chore. So this is playing around with the idea that uh as adults we all have chores, we all have tons of stuff that we have to do. And it doesn't actually have to be a chore when you're seeing somebody or uh when you're involved with somebody. In fact, the fun thing is you can take everyday chores and use them as material, you can use them as content and creative ideas uh and a well of spontaneous activities you can do while also getting stuff done. Um and sometimes when schedules are really tight and people have a bunch of stuff they have to do, this is a way of actually breaking into a busy schedule, either your busy schedule or their busy schedule, um, and just knocking out some stuff that you have to do in life and then having a little bit of romance um mixed in around the edges. So um, yeah, so for the guys that are just listening to this and cannot see the screen, uh, we have a wonderful AI-generated image of a woman with a box of berries and a man with a very large zucchini in his hand. Uh, no sexual um suggestion at all in this photo. Yeah, okay, maybe a little bit. Um, and the two of them are out there basically at the supermarket, pushing a cart and doing what we have to do in life anyway. Um, some of the most fun anticipation I have had on dates has been in supermarkets. We're picking up stuff in anticipation of going home and making dinner, or somebody just needs their groceries for the week. And it's just fun to break the um the barriers of um sort of presenting ourselves in the dating life and bringing each other into our private lives. You know, which aisles do you go down in the supermarket? What are you drawn to and what are you not drawn to? You'll learn a lot about a person by doing that. And it's just fun. It gives you all this material that you get to play off of that when you're in a um um a coffee shop or having dinner or going to a movie or going to a concert, it's kind of the same topics when you're walking down the cereal aisle and you're like, what kind of cereal did you have when you were a kid? What was your favorite, like horrible? Like for me, it was Lucky Charms. Like, what was your favorite horrible cereal as a child? It all kinds of fantastic material comes out. So um, yeah, um, chores actually are a great source of material when you're looking for um creative ideas for dates. Tend not to be the best choices, you know, when you're on the first few dates, but once you're starting to feel a little comfortable, once things are established a little bit, don't be afraid to break into it um as part of the uh romantic dynamic that you have. So um one of the cool things. So the first point, there's always three points with these. So the first point that I want to I want to point out is when you're dating with women, we we tend to form certain rigid patterns. We have certain ideas that we do, we have the same places we like to go, the same activities, the same schedules, the same times of day. And it gets a little old, uh, it gets a little predictable, and it gets a little bit stale. And the romantic chemistry a lot of times will start to kind of taper off as a result of that. One of the best ways to infuse something new into the situation and to create a completely different vibrant experience is to say, I need to get new tires on my car. And I would love to have lunch with you in the middle of it. Or probably even better, is she needs to get new tires on your car and you say, you know what? Why don't I treat you to lunch while we're waiting for those tires to get done? You end up taking the car there together. You have to go within walking distance to whatever restaurants are available, and you make the best of the situation. And you know that you're both just sort of waiting around as if you're at an airport, and you're in a completely different kind of feeling, a different context, a different, uh, a different speed and routine than you normally are on the dates. And that's gold. You want to stretch and break the the experience of the dating into all different kinds of experiences. So that comes down to the first point, which is by drawing on the different chores and adult activities you have to do, it creates endless breaks in the pattern of dating. You never know what's going to happen. Um, all kinds of different sorts of odd things come up uh by doing these different chores, and and that keeps things alive and interesting in the dating world. That's the first point. Chores provide endless breaks in the pattern of dating. Um, the second point is we approach dating from two opposite sides of a table, usually. I'm coming to it from my side, presenting my best face, my best putting my best foot pattern forward. And she's doing the same thing. She is bringing her her face to the to the dating table, and she's trying to present herself a certain way, and and we're interviewing each other from opposite sides of the table. And when there's chemistry, we start to reach across that table, we start to hold hands, we start to kiss, we start to get involved, and that's all that's all wonderful, but we're still kind of dancing from opposite sides, and at a certain point in a relationship, well, at a certain point in the romantic exchange, if you're looking for a relationship, you have to transition from being me and her into us, and you have to transition from two separate strangers into kind of starting to collaborate. And one of the cool things about these chores, so the one that comes to mind is um she's got a tree that hasn't been trimmed in forever, and somebody needs to prune that tree, and she can hire a service, andor she can do it herself, andor this man that she recently started dating could come over and spend the afternoon getting all you know hot and sweaty in her front yard, providing that service for her, doing that chore for her and with her at the same time. And let me let me just put in a caveat here. The idea with doing these chores is not that you're a doormat, it's not that you're trying to buy her attention or her affection by being her personal handyman or her her personal errand boy. That's not it. The idea is chores are a part of life, and you're simply breaking into this area of life to expand and round out your experience together. So when you are um when you are engaging and helping each other in each other's chores, and you're turning it into something fun, what you're doing is you're putting yourselves on the same team. That's the second point here about how chores can be incredibly beneficial in the dating life. Rather than me being on my side and her being on her side, we are now teaming up to attack this tree, leaves, branches, and all, you know, raking it all up and then ordering a pizza from Domino's or your favorite, you know, fast food, you know, pizza place, and and having a fun experience. And you know what? If you get all hot and sweaty, maybe it's shower time also. And you know, it just it breaks out of the normal pattern that you have in the dating life. And when these chores can be something that you're both putting effort into together, again, this second point, you put yourselves on the same team. And that is a transition that has to happen if you want to take it from just initial dating into actually feeling closeness and and and starting to feel like you trust each other and getting to the deeper levels of connection. Um, and the uh the last point that I want to bring up about this is you're when we start dating in the beginning, there's often a lot of romance, there's a lot of chemistry, and then we've all been in these situations where you have a relationship and it starts to get really stale. We start to get into daily lives, particularly if you move in with each other, if you get engaged, if you get married, and if you have kids. Um, domestic life sets in, and domestic life in itself is not terribly exciting. We tend to focus on all the stuff we have to get done, which is chores, and we tend to lose a lot of the romance that we that we started. If you see these chores as an opportunity to break patterns and be spontaneous, you can actually turn that domestic life around. And that's the third point is make your domestic life romantic. So before you're in the relationship, I'm showing her what my domestic life is like. When I need to, oh, I don't know, um, go get new light bulbs, you know, because I want to change out how things look in my house. And this is just something that I would normally be doing in my life. I can invite her to come to Home Depot with me and pick them out. And we can play around and we can play house for a minute, and we can make domestic life feel romantic. It's almost like you're you're you're you're showing her a preview of what it would be like to be more involved with you when you're in a relationship. So that third point is make domestic life romantic. And you do that early on by simply including her, inviting her into stuff that you're doing that are chores, and or inviting yours or offering your services into her life. So, yeah, just to recap real quick, guys. So chores don't have to be a chore, and coming up with dating ideas don't have to be a chore, it doesn't have to be a chore. Use the chores as material for your um for your dates. First thing is when you use these chores, they're gonna always be different random, they're gonna take you to new parts of the city that you haven't been, and you're gonna have limited options and limited time. All of this creates endless breaks in the pattern of dating, and it will take you into all kinds of fun areas if you are letting yourself be spontaneous and in the moment. The second item is put yourselves on the same team. When you guys tackle that tree, when you guys are um, you know, if somebody's moving, you know, from one house to another, and you offer to help lift boxes, put them into that truck, and then do the final sweep up and and uh vacuuming, yeah, that's a pretty intense chore to take on, but you are clearly putting yourselves on the same team, and that communicates to her that you care about her and that you're looking for a deeper connection. The last one is make your domestic life romantic, including her in chores, offering to help her in her chores and making it a part of your romantic life is giving her a preview into what domestic life with you will look like. And if and if you do it right and you're spontaneous, it's really fun. And so, um, if you are looking for ideas in your dating life, look to your to-do list, look to her to-do list, and use that as a very, very rich um set of ideas that you can build a date around. All right, so to bring this into application, we're going to give you the weekly growth challenge. And that challenge is ask three women what they have on their to-do lists. These do not need to be women that you're dating, these can be women that are just friends, but it is more helpful if you if you're doing this with women because the dynamic is different. So ask three women what they have on their to-do lists. Take mental notes as they're telling you what's on their to-do list. So you have to learn how to start to take mental notes as a guy, means pay attention. And then ask follow-up questions. So get a little bit more details about this, find out what's behind the particular item on the to-do list. And then in your imagination, design a date around one of their tasks. So if one of their tasks is they need to, I don't know, it's it's spring and they haven't opened their windows all winter and it is dusty and cobwebs and everything. And you said, you know what? I'd like to help you, you know, like let's let's tackle this together, and we're gonna do that. And then afterwards, you know, um, I'll bring a change of clothes, we'll both get clean, we'll both get cleaned up, and then we'll we'll go, we'll go out and we'll do this afterwards. And you design a date around the chore and around the activity, it'll be a memorable item. So that's your weekly growth challenge, guys. Um, uh, take it out there into the field, give it a shot. Uh uh reach out to me on blackboxdating.com. Um, let me know how it went. All right, we're gonna open up the uh the microphones again and get back to the uh discussion with everybody here. And um, for you guys that are not members of the coaching program, check out blackboxstadium.com and join on in with everybody else. All right, catch you next week. All right.